'You never think it will happen to you'
B.C. politician Sindi Hawkins is fighting a very public battle against leukemia
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Vancouver — There have been many dark moments for B.C. cabinet minister Sindi Hawkins since that bleak, emotional afternoon six weeks ago when she sat in the doctor's office, alone, and heard the results of her blood test.
The results were bad. "I burst out crying because I knew right away," recalled Ms. Hawkins, who worked as a nurse for years before entering politics.
"There was just me and the nurse. And she said those two words [maybe leukemia]. Right way, I was air ambulanced to Vancouver. The whole thing was surreal, like I was watching a movie. You never think it will happen to you."
But for Ms. Hawkins, a healthy, vibrant 45-year-old when she was diagnosed with potentially fatal acute myeloid leukemia, the worst moment came later, when the powerful chemotherapy treatment she underwent finally claimed her hair.
Ms. Hawkins kept her hair for enough time that she began to believe the doctors were wrong when they told her she was going to lose it. "But it can happen overnight. One day you've got hair, the next day you're rinsing it out in the shower."
"And it's coming out in clumps and handfuls, and I'm sitting in there crying."
One of Ms. Hawkins's sisters found her sobbing in the shower, sitting there with handfuls of hair. She called in a hairdresser who clipped off what was left. Soon, Ms. Hawkins was bald.
There was no more denial. "I looked in the mirror and I saw a cancer patient."
Ms. Hawkins talked about her courageous, heart-rending battle during a brief spell of "freedom" from hospital care, as she prepares for the next major step -- a bone-marrow transplant from younger sister, Seema.
So far, the personable Okanagan politician has been fortunate. Her condition was discovered early, she is relatively young and fit, and Seema turned out to be "a perfect match" for the painful transplant that could save her life.
She has also been buoyed by an outpouring of love and encouragement from her close-knit Indo-Canadian family, friends, colleagues and members of the public who have bombarded her with supportive cards and e-mails.
Not to mention home cooking.
Chemotherapy often changes sensations of the mouth, prompting a dangerous loss of appetite and weight. Ms. Hawkins was no exception. "They would bring in a tray of food and I just couldn't look at it."
Enter the cabinet minister's mother. Twice a day, she prepared the kind of food Ms. Hawkins had as a child -- beans, lentils, chick peas, roti, chicken, rice. She loved it.
"It's what I grew up on. When I moved out, I began more western-style eating. But when I got sick, I went back to mom's cooking."
Leukemia, a severe cancer of the blood, attacks a patient's healthy blood cells. Ms. Hawkins knew there was something wrong when an otherwise harmless scratch kept bleeding throughout the night, soaking her pillow and sheets.
When they heard the news, family members congregated here from across the country. Her father, a devout Sikh, prayed at her bedside.
Ms. Hawkins's sisters compiled a Top 10 list of reasons they love her. No. 3, which refers to the money raised for cancer treatment by an annual golf tournament Ms. Hawkins sponsored, is: "Only you would help raise $200,000 for cancer care and then spend it on yourself."
The impact on her family has been tough to watch, the Minister of State for Intergovernmental Relations admitted. "They're trying to help me, but I know they're hurting. Emotionally, that is very hard for me."
Ms. Hawkins has been talking candidly about her condition in hopes of focusing attention on the need for more Canadians, particularly British Columbians, to donate blood and to encourage Asian-Canadians to register as potential bone-marrow donors.
Only 15 per cent of Canadians on the bone-marrow list are non-Caucasian, she said. If one of her five siblings had not been a match (and it was far from a given), Ms. Hawkins might have been in trouble because of her Indian genes.
"They would have had to start looking around North America, Europe and then India. But we don't even know if they have a registry there. That scared me."
As for blood donations, Ms. Hawkins noted that per capita donations in B.C. lag far behind those in other provinces. And in the summertime, when the living is easy, 30 to 40 per cent of potential donors cancel their appointments.
"Yeah, it's an inconvenience, but surely, we can think of our fellow human beings and roll up our sleeves and save a life. . . . Every time I get blood hung on me, I look up and think somebody was so unselfish to take time out of their day to do that."
Ms. Hawkins is no stranger to adversity. Four years ago, she went through a painful divorce and last summer she was twice driven from her Kelowna home by the devastating forest fire that eventually claimed more than 200 residences in the city. "There were days when I thought my place was going to be gone and I would be left with nothing."
But her father, who, along with his pregnant wife and four children, came from India to a small Saskatchewan town 40 years ago, taught her the value of fighting life's challenges.
"You have choices. I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to be a survivor. I've always chosen to be a survivor," Ms. Hawkins said.